i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
