That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
