I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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