Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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