Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
