I like to think it a success when the cops are called
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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