i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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