you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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