dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
