dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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