I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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