god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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