he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
