It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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