OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
