That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
