I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
