I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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