on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
how does that bad decision feel?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
