the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize