Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize