I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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