Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
