Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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