Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
