Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
