Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
