How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we're so committed to being not committed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
