bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
