it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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