Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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