Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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