im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
