Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and she was petting her beer can
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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