my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
