the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
