im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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