is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
