he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
