I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
