I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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