I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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