She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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