No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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