I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
