I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize