i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
