Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
