I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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