She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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