We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
