I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
