I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's always time for handjobs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
