I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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