dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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