Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
