Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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