Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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