Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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