it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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