Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
