yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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