its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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