Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
