NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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