don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
