i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
